Love your mommy.
1. Insist on shredding every last piece of paper that has ANY information on it, because otherwise someone will 100% for sure steal your identity.
2. Call or text to make sure you’re safe/alive because she heard something bad happened to a person living in your current state, and wanted to confirm that it wasn’t you.
3. When you’re about to get off the phone, say “Oh, one more thing!…” and then proceed to continue the conversation for another 5-45 minutes.
4. Use a phrase or lingo that’s popular amongst youngsters these days. Even if it’s being used jokingly, it’ll sound so incredibly unnatural. It sounds the way a baby deer trying to walk looks — awkward, yet adorable.
5. Force Tupperware full of leftovers on you like a persistent salesperson at a mall cell phone kiosk. You aren’t leaving without a stack of plastic containers…
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